Saturday, June 18, 2005
Relationships, An addendum
I've been widey reading peoples blogs, live journals, and the like this morning, and I came across this.
Its a completely different angle on it, but I think it fits in interestingly with what I was saying about circles of friendship. Were talking about when you have someone in a stable place in the circle, and your reaching out to make the effort at individual times (rather than trying to bring them in to a closer distance) If you do that reaching out far more than they do, if the effort is always yours, then as wiredaces put it... Your the bitch. (Scuse the language, but I think the point I'm trying to make is worth working beyond it)
And that's also a valid point... Sometimes you will be willing to put yourself out for the privilege of just having a relationship. But I don't think its healthy. This is the kind of thing that generally stems out of an infatuation. You may be getting a relationship you think you need, but it will be a draining one. Maybe you can support that drain... It depends on the percentages, and to a large extent on your other relationships and how healthy they are.
Generally I would suppose that this is the kind of relationship you would only want to get into either on a temporary basis... ie to support someone through a crisis, or in the understanding that you were doing it at your detriment, for their benefit. Preferably with the intent to fix it in the long term.
Food for thought.
Its a completely different angle on it, but I think it fits in interestingly with what I was saying about circles of friendship. Were talking about when you have someone in a stable place in the circle, and your reaching out to make the effort at individual times (rather than trying to bring them in to a closer distance) If you do that reaching out far more than they do, if the effort is always yours, then as wiredaces put it... Your the bitch. (Scuse the language, but I think the point I'm trying to make is worth working beyond it)
Now- don't get me wrong...You may be OK with your bitchdom. I have had a couple of relationships where I was perfectly content to be an obvious lower priority- just because the person in question was special to me in some way.
And that's also a valid point... Sometimes you will be willing to put yourself out for the privilege of just having a relationship. But I don't think its healthy. This is the kind of thing that generally stems out of an infatuation. You may be getting a relationship you think you need, but it will be a draining one. Maybe you can support that drain... It depends on the percentages, and to a large extent on your other relationships and how healthy they are.
Generally I would suppose that this is the kind of relationship you would only want to get into either on a temporary basis... ie to support someone through a crisis, or in the understanding that you were doing it at your detriment, for their benefit. Preferably with the intent to fix it in the long term.
Food for thought.
# posted by ChinDoGu @ 15:07 
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But indicated in this post (btw, who the fuck is this guy? Talen mentioned him too.) is the idea that reltionship balance can be restored with effort. I suppose, in the end, the question is how much does one care about the friendship? Enough to put in some effort to fix things (on both sides)? Or is it better just to let it go?
And, my 2 cents, usually better to let it go. It's rare indeed that the 'daddy' cares enough about the relationship to want to fix anything. (Who said anything about bitter?)
And, my 2 cents, usually better to let it go. It's rare indeed that the 'daddy' cares enough about the relationship to want to fix anything. (Who said anything about bitter?)
I think he used to be a magic writer. I found him through the same post your talking about.
Sometimes yes... Sometimes the "daddy" just dosent have the time, they may want to work on the relationship but genuinly not have the time to fix things.
Matt
Sometimes yes... Sometimes the "daddy" just dosent have the time, they may want to work on the relationship but genuinly not have the time to fix things.
Matt
Yeah, Geordie's a canadian guy, responsible for the best build of pre-darksteel affinity, and just generally an awesome writer.
It's kinda funny. I know I'm the daddy in a lot of the online relationships I have - about half a dozen people message me rather than the other way around. And more amusingly, on MODO, I am definitely Pirie's bitch.
In other news, holy hell, people follow links?!
It's kinda funny. I know I'm the daddy in a lot of the online relationships I have - about half a dozen people message me rather than the other way around. And more amusingly, on MODO, I am definitely Pirie's bitch.
In other news, holy hell, people follow links?!
# posted by 
: Sunday, June 19, 2005 9:52:00 am
: Sunday, June 19, 2005 9:52:00 am
Yes, you bum. You never write, you never call, you never communicate, where's the love (and so on and so forth.)
;) Love ya!
Oh, and only when we must to understand what the hell other people are talking about. Because we care about what you say and think. Hence the reading of your blog in the first place.
;) Love ya!
Oh, and only when we must to understand what the hell other people are talking about. Because we care about what you say and think. Hence the reading of your blog in the first place.
I see.
By the way, is it just me, or does your buddy icon strongly resemble Vadania?
By the way, is it just me, or does your buddy icon strongly resemble Vadania?
# posted by : Sunday, June 19, 2005 1:30:00 pm
: Sunday, June 19, 2005 1:30:00 pm
Ta! And, now that you mention it, she kinda does. Hmmm...
It's actually Brian Froud's and I think it's supposed to be the queen of the faeries. Not sure.
It's actually Brian Froud's and I think it's supposed to be the queen of the faeries. Not sure.
Speaking as the "daddy" of almost every person on my AIM list, be understanding when in the bitch situation. I've already had to change my AIM handle once - and now I spend most of my time invisible - to avoid getting two or three dozen message the moment I log on, from people I don't know or care about, who think they are my friends because they saw my website and nobody else likes them. Who want to tell me about every aspect of their boring lives, from relationships to work to whatever, in messages so incoherent that I actively have to translate each one into something I can understand.
Now, I'm probably less tolerant than most of IM bitches; as I've said before, I don't socialise for the sake of socialising, and that includes IM. Really, I would /like/ to be able to care about each and every one of these people - but where the hell am I supposed to find the /energy/? Especially when every converstaion is a counselling session - or rather, and excuse to whine and be depressed about everything, because nothing I ever say is going to make them feel any better.
Ironically, I am compelled to ask - if I keep talking to them while they're doing that, who's really the bitch?
Now, I'm probably less tolerant than most of IM bitches; as I've said before, I don't socialise for the sake of socialising, and that includes IM. Really, I would /like/ to be able to care about each and every one of these people - but where the hell am I supposed to find the /energy/? Especially when every converstaion is a counselling session - or rather, and excuse to whine and be depressed about everything, because nothing I ever say is going to make them feel any better.
Ironically, I am compelled to ask - if I keep talking to them while they're doing that, who's really the bitch?
# posted by : Tuesday, June 21, 2005 2:50:00 pm
: Tuesday, June 21, 2005 2:50:00 pm
Simply put, you ignore those individuals. Thus is your path to true Daddyness.
I find it bizarre that of the two of us, I, the social one, have come to grips with the social art of ignoring people. ;p
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I find it bizarre that of the two of us, I, the social one, have come to grips with the social art of ignoring people. ;p
# posted by : Tuesday, June 21, 2005 4:09:00 pm
: Tuesday, June 21, 2005 4:09:00 pm << Home
