Monday, October 30, 2006
Pretend it's a seed!
"When I grow up I want to be a fireman"
"When I grow up I will be better at X"
"When I grow up, they wont treat me this anymore"
I find myself in a strange situation. Here I am, 26, and yet I still don't think of myself as "grown up" There's still so much about myself that needs to be changed before I will be that "grown up" I have always aspired to be.
In fact it occurs to me that I am NEVER going to reach the point where I will feel I have grown up. Where I have achieved everything I needed to in order to be "an adult". This is because what I think of as an adult is completely unreasonable. It's this unattainable pie in the sky goal. This paragon of virtue and competence. Surely when I'm fully grown up, I won't make stupid flippant comments like that and offend people. I won't have all this difficulty knowing what to say, how to act. I'll be perfect. After all Adults are never wrong, and there so much smarter than us non-adults. There figures with so much more experience than me that what they have to say should be considered sage wisdom.
One day I'll be like that.
But I won't. Sure, older people are better than younger on average in these areas. There will be improvement. But my idea of my destination is unreasonable. Its unachievable. Its just not going to happen. I am an adult, as much as I don't want to claim all the responsibilities that come with it. And adulthood is not the cut and dried be all and end all that it first seems. Even adults need to keep growing.
And I have even more growing ahead than I thought.
"When I grow up I will be better at X"
"When I grow up, they wont treat me this anymore"
I find myself in a strange situation. Here I am, 26, and yet I still don't think of myself as "grown up" There's still so much about myself that needs to be changed before I will be that "grown up" I have always aspired to be.
In fact it occurs to me that I am NEVER going to reach the point where I will feel I have grown up. Where I have achieved everything I needed to in order to be "an adult". This is because what I think of as an adult is completely unreasonable. It's this unattainable pie in the sky goal. This paragon of virtue and competence. Surely when I'm fully grown up, I won't make stupid flippant comments like that and offend people. I won't have all this difficulty knowing what to say, how to act. I'll be perfect. After all Adults are never wrong, and there so much smarter than us non-adults. There figures with so much more experience than me that what they have to say should be considered sage wisdom.
One day I'll be like that.
But I won't. Sure, older people are better than younger on average in these areas. There will be improvement. But my idea of my destination is unreasonable. Its unachievable. Its just not going to happen. I am an adult, as much as I don't want to claim all the responsibilities that come with it. And adulthood is not the cut and dried be all and end all that it first seems. Even adults need to keep growing.
And I have even more growing ahead than I thought.
# posted by ChinDoGu @ 19:38 
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Hi Matt, I hope you don't mind the comparison, but it sounds a bit like the apostle Paul in Philippians 3:7-15 (especially verses 12 and 15).
# posted by 
: Monday, October 30, 2006 8:28:00 pm
: Monday, October 30, 2006 8:28:00 pm 
You know what, Matt? Personally I think anyone who thinks they've fully got it together, they're fully grown up, is clearly and simply deceiving themselves. Yes, we need to yearn for spiritual food, and not just milk, but if we ever stop yearning, and starting thinking we've made it, it's clear then that we haven't!!
George
George
Yearning for the impossible it a great way to grow. And incredibly bad for you if you don't realise your doing it. So I think I'm agreeing with both of you :p
To answer your question, Through the warped perceptions of a child, sure. I mean as I was growing up, it was a given that adults were what is described here. Adults were unchallengable. And thats something that lingers, its hard to shake it even though you know its wrong.
At least for me.
So no, I don't know anyone I would describe as meeting those criteria NOW, but in the past, I have known people I thought did. When I was much younger.
To answer your question, Through the warped perceptions of a child, sure. I mean as I was growing up, it was a given that adults were what is described here. Adults were unchallengable. And thats something that lingers, its hard to shake it even though you know its wrong.
At least for me.
So no, I don't know anyone I would describe as meeting those criteria NOW, but in the past, I have known people I thought did. When I was much younger.
Good points everybody! What I meant was someone who thinks that they have it all together, and that there aren't things that they need to work on, then perhaps they're verging into the pride and self-grandioseness. But I believe a Christian should always be yearning to grow more.
But that being said, there is great contentment to be sought for too, for Godliness with contentment is great gain! What I mean is this; you should be striving to present yourself perfect in Christ, whilst at the same time accepting that you already are!! How's that??
Cheers,
G
But that being said, there is great contentment to be sought for too, for Godliness with contentment is great gain! What I mean is this; you should be striving to present yourself perfect in Christ, whilst at the same time accepting that you already are!! How's that??
Cheers,
G
Chindogu, I think yearning for the impossible is a great way to /prevent/ yourself from really growing, and is more harmful than good, since there's no satisfaction in forever falling short of a ridiculous goal. I think it contributes to low self-esteem, and for that matter provides a constant excuse for when you /can't/ live up to your own expectations. After all, nobody can. Aiming for things which /can/ be acheived requires more courage - it is both more difficult and more rewarding, because it means you are accountable if you fail, and because it means you have actually acheived and fulfilled something if you succeed. We all need victories to keep us going, the feeling that we can acheive what we set out to do, and that we have done so in the past. The idea of going without that is horrific.*
As for adults... I can't remember when I ever had any notion of adults being particularly better than children. This is partly because I was a precocious and arrogant child, but also because my parents openly disagreed with each other (especially on religion - nothing disillusions a child of the perfectness of parents like having one say that the other is going to be left behind when it's heaven time), and because I had rather more takent for arguing tham my mum. Moreso, though, because my mother was open and honest about her own failings and her own problems. It sounds a bit rude, but it's not an insult - the more I grow, the more I am grateful to her for showing me that everybody is imperfect, and all you can do is try to make the right choices with the information available to you. I wish more people had the chance to be raised by young, humble parents who don't think they have everything right, because the idea that any parent /does/ is ridiculous beyond words.
Then there's my father, with whom I had a terrible relationship when I was younger. Because he was unable to show affection in the way I wanted - through spending time with me, having deep conversations, helping me through my problems - I thought he didn't love me. It was only in retrospect that I realised that he simply couldn't show affection in this way, because of who he was and how he was raised - that this was just one of his flaws I had to accept, and pay attention to how he showed love in his own quiet way. To my surprise, I found that this sudden realisation revealed in me a ferocious love for my father, one which - so glad am I that I found it - often moves me to tears.
(*This is not to say that people should not strive to grow. This is to say that people should strive to grow in a realistic, reachable fashion.)
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As for adults... I can't remember when I ever had any notion of adults being particularly better than children. This is partly because I was a precocious and arrogant child, but also because my parents openly disagreed with each other (especially on religion - nothing disillusions a child of the perfectness of parents like having one say that the other is going to be left behind when it's heaven time), and because I had rather more takent for arguing tham my mum. Moreso, though, because my mother was open and honest about her own failings and her own problems. It sounds a bit rude, but it's not an insult - the more I grow, the more I am grateful to her for showing me that everybody is imperfect, and all you can do is try to make the right choices with the information available to you. I wish more people had the chance to be raised by young, humble parents who don't think they have everything right, because the idea that any parent /does/ is ridiculous beyond words.
Then there's my father, with whom I had a terrible relationship when I was younger. Because he was unable to show affection in the way I wanted - through spending time with me, having deep conversations, helping me through my problems - I thought he didn't love me. It was only in retrospect that I realised that he simply couldn't show affection in this way, because of who he was and how he was raised - that this was just one of his flaws I had to accept, and pay attention to how he showed love in his own quiet way. To my surprise, I found that this sudden realisation revealed in me a ferocious love for my father, one which - so glad am I that I found it - often moves me to tears.
(*This is not to say that people should not strive to grow. This is to say that people should strive to grow in a realistic, reachable fashion.)
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