Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Illusionary Envy
I know a few of my readers disagree with me on this, but I still think its a fair point. This is a realisation that I had recently, I'm still working through the implications of it. Here's how the logic goes.
We are all envious people.
By this I mean that there are things that every person envy's. That they see others doing well and wish they could do as well. I'm not necessarily talking about a jealous (sinful) envy, but just a broader envy. I look at Steve and his amazing talents with green stuff and I wish I have even a tenth of his skill. I look at Bri's constant cheerfulness, at my friends happy relationships, at many many things that people I know do so well... and I wish I could be like them. Everyone does it.
The things we envy people for are not always the whole story.
“Everybody Lies”. I don't mean this at all in a bad way. But if you are going through a tough time, you don't want to tell the world about it. If you are finding things tough, very few people will know about it. There are extreme cases where this is not the case, but this is the way our society operates. But that's an entire separate post. Suffice to say, people are very uncomfortable letting you see their weaknesses. Consequently, what we see in others is the extreme. The extreme best they can do. Let me take Steve's sculpting as an example. If Steve makes a horrible failure of a sculpture (Which I am sure doesn't happen often these days), then he doesn't show it to us. We don't see the hours he spends in the quiet of his own home reworking things he isn't happy with. What we see is him going away and returning with an amazing masterpiece almost effortlessly. Not only that, he has fun doing it. So we envy him for this talent. We wish we could do what he does so simply and easily. The same is true for many of the other things we envy others for.
So what's the implication of this. Well I had a few thoughts that came out of it for me... but feel free to make your own applications.
I need to be less concerned with how well everyone else does things. Particularly with how confident and sure they seem to be while doing them. I'm not trying to marginalise the great things people do do here, I'm not looking for an excuse to stop developing myself. I just need to focus on me when developing me, not on others. Its a case of being the best I can be, not being better than someone else. That path does lead to jealousy.
I need to be aware that there are probably thing I do that others are envious of. I must admit a bit of curiosity as to what these things are. (If your comfortable, feel free to sound off in the comments or email me about this. I'd like to know ) There's not much I can do about it. But it would probably help to be aware of it at least. And maybe this means I should be presenting my self a little more honestly in these areas.
We are all envious people.
By this I mean that there are things that every person envy's. That they see others doing well and wish they could do as well. I'm not necessarily talking about a jealous (sinful) envy, but just a broader envy. I look at Steve and his amazing talents with green stuff and I wish I have even a tenth of his skill. I look at Bri's constant cheerfulness, at my friends happy relationships, at many many things that people I know do so well... and I wish I could be like them. Everyone does it.
The things we envy people for are not always the whole story.
“Everybody Lies”. I don't mean this at all in a bad way. But if you are going through a tough time, you don't want to tell the world about it. If you are finding things tough, very few people will know about it. There are extreme cases where this is not the case, but this is the way our society operates. But that's an entire separate post. Suffice to say, people are very uncomfortable letting you see their weaknesses. Consequently, what we see in others is the extreme. The extreme best they can do. Let me take Steve's sculpting as an example. If Steve makes a horrible failure of a sculpture (Which I am sure doesn't happen often these days), then he doesn't show it to us. We don't see the hours he spends in the quiet of his own home reworking things he isn't happy with. What we see is him going away and returning with an amazing masterpiece almost effortlessly. Not only that, he has fun doing it. So we envy him for this talent. We wish we could do what he does so simply and easily. The same is true for many of the other things we envy others for.
So what's the implication of this. Well I had a few thoughts that came out of it for me... but feel free to make your own applications.
I need to be less concerned with how well everyone else does things. Particularly with how confident and sure they seem to be while doing them. I'm not trying to marginalise the great things people do do here, I'm not looking for an excuse to stop developing myself. I just need to focus on me when developing me, not on others. Its a case of being the best I can be, not being better than someone else. That path does lead to jealousy.
I need to be aware that there are probably thing I do that others are envious of. I must admit a bit of curiosity as to what these things are. (If your comfortable, feel free to sound off in the comments or email me about this. I'd like to know ) There's not much I can do about it. But it would probably help to be aware of it at least. And maybe this means I should be presenting my self a little more honestly in these areas.
# posted by ChinDoGu @ 20:58 
Comments:
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I'm not necessarily talking about a jealous (sinful) envy
Envy: a feeling of grudging admiration and desire to have something possessed by another
Covet: to feel desire for that which is another's
How can envy be anything other than covetous? Now matter how you paint them up, they are the same beast.
We are all envious people
"Everybody Lies"
How very insightful. However, you put this forth as if it were both Truth and Universial. In the same way that the Bible puts forward that we are all sinful people, only without the support. I think it's unreasonable to make such sweeping statements.
"Almost everybody is at least occasionally untruthful about some things" is much more believable but it really lacks the same oomph.
That is to say, I disagree with you. But only in that you are being too black and white about it and it's just not reasonable to view the world in that way.
From what you say of this scupltor, Steve, he sounds like someone to be respected, not envied.
We don't see the hours he spends in the quiet of his own home reworking things he isn't happy with.
We wish we could do what he does so simply and easily.
This is just internal contradiction. You show both an awareness of the effort he puts in and then indicate an ignorance of same... Perhaps you meant to elucidate on the separation between an intellectual awareness of the effort and an ignorant emotive reponse despite that awareness?
I need to be less concerned with how well everyone else does things
If this is news to you, then... Well, I shouldn't judge. But if you are over about 23, then this really should have been obvious. The whole judging ourselves by looking at our peers is a very teen thing to do.
Overall, you are over dramatising the obvious. Yes, people have a tendancy to be untruthful (which is, apparently, an aside), and yes, we do have a tendancy to desire the things others have, whether material or otherwise, but this is just another side of the many-faceted 'people-are-sinful' coin.
I think what you have expressed here indicates that this is a bigger problem for you than it would be to others. I imagine you are being challenged by an enviroment rich in things you want and find yourself disatissfied with your own lot... The realisations you've come to - being less concerned with how well everyone else does things and being the best I can be - are certainly the best way to be heading.
So kudos on the realisation, and good luck on the path of self improvement.
Envy: a feeling of grudging admiration and desire to have something possessed by another
Covet: to feel desire for that which is another's
How can envy be anything other than covetous? Now matter how you paint them up, they are the same beast.
We are all envious people
"Everybody Lies"
How very insightful. However, you put this forth as if it were both Truth and Universial. In the same way that the Bible puts forward that we are all sinful people, only without the support. I think it's unreasonable to make such sweeping statements.
"Almost everybody is at least occasionally untruthful about some things" is much more believable but it really lacks the same oomph.
That is to say, I disagree with you. But only in that you are being too black and white about it and it's just not reasonable to view the world in that way.
From what you say of this scupltor, Steve, he sounds like someone to be respected, not envied.
We don't see the hours he spends in the quiet of his own home reworking things he isn't happy with.
We wish we could do what he does so simply and easily.
This is just internal contradiction. You show both an awareness of the effort he puts in and then indicate an ignorance of same... Perhaps you meant to elucidate on the separation between an intellectual awareness of the effort and an ignorant emotive reponse despite that awareness?
I need to be less concerned with how well everyone else does things
If this is news to you, then... Well, I shouldn't judge. But if you are over about 23, then this really should have been obvious. The whole judging ourselves by looking at our peers is a very teen thing to do.
Overall, you are over dramatising the obvious. Yes, people have a tendancy to be untruthful (which is, apparently, an aside), and yes, we do have a tendancy to desire the things others have, whether material or otherwise, but this is just another side of the many-faceted 'people-are-sinful' coin.
I think what you have expressed here indicates that this is a bigger problem for you than it would be to others. I imagine you are being challenged by an enviroment rich in things you want and find yourself disatissfied with your own lot... The realisations you've come to - being less concerned with how well everyone else does things and being the best I can be - are certainly the best way to be heading.
So kudos on the realisation, and good luck on the path of self improvement.
# posted by 
: Sunday, August 13, 2006 5:27:00 pm
: Sunday, August 13, 2006 5:27:00 pm
Hi Matt,
It's much harder to present our bad side - isn't it! I often have people say to me, you're so good at everything! And I'm like, well, you haven't seen my sewing skill, my creative skills, my inability to make anything out of anything, except cooking that is, my puzzlement with anything philosophical, my impatience with anything too complicated, my ... well I could go on.
We are all uniquely gifted by God - we each have individual skills, abilities and talents. Recognising these, embracing them, and not being worried when we're not good at something, and not being worried when we are, and not being concerned if our weakness is shown "belly-up" and we are shown to be vulnerable - well that's exactly what we were before the fall, and I'm not sure that'll ever be truly different this side of heaven.
Cheers,
George
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It's much harder to present our bad side - isn't it! I often have people say to me, you're so good at everything! And I'm like, well, you haven't seen my sewing skill, my creative skills, my inability to make anything out of anything, except cooking that is, my puzzlement with anything philosophical, my impatience with anything too complicated, my ... well I could go on.
We are all uniquely gifted by God - we each have individual skills, abilities and talents. Recognising these, embracing them, and not being worried when we're not good at something, and not being worried when we are, and not being concerned if our weakness is shown "belly-up" and we are shown to be vulnerable - well that's exactly what we were before the fall, and I'm not sure that'll ever be truly different this side of heaven.
Cheers,
George
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