Friday, October 14, 2005
People react, they dont act
So I've been thinking. I try to do that from time to time, just to keep in pratice. You never know when you might need that skill.
Heres what I reckon. People are built to react. Situations escelate. Arguments get heated. People disagree. And the more situations I am in like that the more I find that the situation comes down to this. Someone has misunderstood an aspect of someone elses point. Someone has heard what they think the other person is saying, not what they actually are saying. Someone was so busy trying to make their point, thinking about how they would do so, that they heard the other person say what they thought they thought.
Its so common. The bible advises christians to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. Self help books advise us all to repeat back what we think we heard when were angry about what someone has said. And yet noone does. Its a skill that is sooo rare. Its a big effort, we all need to be constantly stopping ourselves from reacting. From responding, From retaliating. And instead working to understand exactly what the other person said.
I think this ties back, to some extent to what I had to say in matthew's theorums about my friends not being deliberatly mean. I have to give the person i'm listening to the benefit of the doubt. This is another one of those lifelong efforts. It's not something your ever going to be perfect at. All I'm trying to say is that we should all be working to be less imperfect.
Food for thought.
Heres what I reckon. People are built to react. Situations escelate. Arguments get heated. People disagree. And the more situations I am in like that the more I find that the situation comes down to this. Someone has misunderstood an aspect of someone elses point. Someone has heard what they think the other person is saying, not what they actually are saying. Someone was so busy trying to make their point, thinking about how they would do so, that they heard the other person say what they thought they thought.
Its so common. The bible advises christians to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. Self help books advise us all to repeat back what we think we heard when were angry about what someone has said. And yet noone does. Its a skill that is sooo rare. Its a big effort, we all need to be constantly stopping ourselves from reacting. From responding, From retaliating. And instead working to understand exactly what the other person said.
I think this ties back, to some extent to what I had to say in matthew's theorums about my friends not being deliberatly mean. I have to give the person i'm listening to the benefit of the doubt. This is another one of those lifelong efforts. It's not something your ever going to be perfect at. All I'm trying to say is that we should all be working to be less imperfect.
Food for thought.
# posted by ChinDoGu @ 18:54 
Comments:
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Except this precludes a perspective from being more accurate and right over an other. I have every right to think someone else a complete frigging idiot if they try to legitimately argue, say, the Earth being Flat. Sure, it's a reaction to them being a complete frigging idiot. That's good. It indicates that I'm reacting to stimulus around me, which also indicates that my brain and senses are connected somewhere along the line.
Don't assume that every disagreement is entirely because two Perfectly Equal forces are being put into opposition.
Don't assume that every disagreement is entirely because two Perfectly Equal forces are being put into opposition.
# posted by 
: Monday, October 17, 2005 12:32:00 am
: Monday, October 17, 2005 12:32:00 am
Hmm. A fair point. Although in the situation you describe you can react (Call the guy an idiot, which will likely lead to him getting defensive rather than listening) or you can think first and politly explain why hes a moron :p
He may be wrong, but hes still human and diserves to be treated like one. Thats what i'm trying to get at.
He may be wrong, but hes still human and diserves to be treated like one. Thats what i'm trying to get at.
Hey just thought i'd say hi,
good post. people don't want to improve themselves for the most part, they already see themselves as good, and more importantly right, changing would mean admiting that you were wrong in the first place. Everyone has this problem, and its sad.
I recently put together a video with the message of helping one another (read about it here )
Just because it mentioned Jesus they immediately switched off, however if they hadn't switched off, would they have got the underlying message of helping others? i would like to say yes, but for the main part we live in a selfish world :/ I know i'm guilty
-bruce
good post. people don't want to improve themselves for the most part, they already see themselves as good, and more importantly right, changing would mean admiting that you were wrong in the first place. Everyone has this problem, and its sad.
I recently put together a video with the message of helping one another (read about it here )
Just because it mentioned Jesus they immediately switched off, however if they hadn't switched off, would they have got the underlying message of helping others? i would like to say yes, but for the main part we live in a selfish world :/ I know i'm guilty
-bruce
# posted by : Monday, October 17, 2005 9:53:00 am
: Monday, October 17, 2005 9:53:00 am
Agreeing with Talen, as much as we are called to listen and do our best to understand what the other person is on about. Once you do know what they are talking about, then you can say that you do or dont agree with them. But you need to make that desicion based on what their actual point is. And that requires listening.
But like you said, your main point is that we need to understand what the other person is saying before we can respond. And I certainly agree with that.
But like you said, your main point is that we need to understand what the other person is saying before we can respond. And I certainly agree with that.
Hey bruce, good to have you reading 8-)
Yeah in my experience people willing to put in the effort required to change themselves are quite rare in this day and age.
As such, they are the people that I have a lot of respect for!
Everyone is biased towards believing in their own perfection. The attitude of "I'm better than everyone else". I know I've done it in the past, and I'll bet I do it even worse at the moment. If I stoped to look and see where I do so.
Yeah in my experience people willing to put in the effort required to change themselves are quite rare in this day and age.
As such, they are the people that I have a lot of respect for!
Everyone is biased towards believing in their own perfection. The attitude of "I'm better than everyone else". I know I've done it in the past, and I'll bet I do it even worse at the moment. If I stoped to look and see where I do so.
It's natural, dude. Have you ever met an individual who focuses entirely on their flaws? I have. They're wretched. Worse, they never get a single thing done and spend much of their time unemployed, spiralling downwards in a self-focused little knot of pain until such time as thank god, they either get the hell over it, or they - or someone else - ends it.
Be quite happy with your abilities. Acknowledge that, like it or not, you're smarter than the average human being. Just don't think you're an inherently better person because of it.
(Tidbit; 80% of Australian drivers think they're above average. Of those, I wonder how many [i]are[/i].)
Be quite happy with your abilities. Acknowledge that, like it or not, you're smarter than the average human being. Just don't think you're an inherently better person because of it.
(Tidbit; 80% of Australian drivers think they're above average. Of those, I wonder how many [i]are[/i].)
# posted by : Monday, October 17, 2005 4:59:00 pm
: Monday, October 17, 2005 4:59:00 pm
Surely the problem is that people don't listen before they judge. They jump to judgement, they react, not to the thing that is actually before them, but to what they think is there. Hence James telling us to shut the hell up and listen without getting irate about what may not be at issue. (Mother Goose says the same thing. It has an owl. It's co cute!) Thus it isn't reacting that is bad, it's the reacting to what isn't there, reacting without thought that is the problem.
Also, irrespective of what is deemed a "natural" viewpoint, wouldn't the ideal be to be able to recognise your true abilities and your flaws at once? That is a balanced and healthy mental viewpoint. Believing yourself to be perfect or completely flawed are both unrealistic, (both prideful) and both personally and socially unhealthy. As Talen said, be happy with your abilities. But also be realistic about what they are (and don't pick up a pen and write a novel just because someone told you that "anyone can write" and then self-publish so that everyone mistakes you for someone with talent just because you had the nerve to polute the literary gene pool with your moronic and ill-formed mental child which hundreds of students, whether tertiary or secondary, are then going to have to study because it says something "really meaningful" about the plight of fairy penguins in an English climate in relation to homosexual women... I'm sorry, it's my problem, I'll deal with it.) My point is that being aware of what you realistically can and can't do is healthier (both for you and the people around you) and surely the ideal place to be in, rather than suffering under any kind of self delusion.
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Also, irrespective of what is deemed a "natural" viewpoint, wouldn't the ideal be to be able to recognise your true abilities and your flaws at once? That is a balanced and healthy mental viewpoint. Believing yourself to be perfect or completely flawed are both unrealistic, (both prideful) and both personally and socially unhealthy. As Talen said, be happy with your abilities. But also be realistic about what they are (and don't pick up a pen and write a novel just because someone told you that "anyone can write" and then self-publish so that everyone mistakes you for someone with talent just because you had the nerve to polute the literary gene pool with your moronic and ill-formed mental child which hundreds of students, whether tertiary or secondary, are then going to have to study because it says something "really meaningful" about the plight of fairy penguins in an English climate in relation to homosexual women... I'm sorry, it's my problem, I'll deal with it.) My point is that being aware of what you realistically can and can't do is healthier (both for you and the people around you) and surely the ideal place to be in, rather than suffering under any kind of self delusion.
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