Friday, April 29, 2005
Elope Or Wed
Well I've been contemplating recently the concept of weddings. Whether eloping can ever be a viable option. Before I start commenting on this, let me say, this has been inspired by a post on Haoran's Blog.
I'm sure if I tried I could think of some example, consisting of a bizarre sequence of events which would lead me to take eloping as a better option, but that's not the point here. The point is this generally (and by that I mean almost always to the extent that if your an exception I'd be shocked) I don't believe elopeing is ever right.
My reasoning works as follows. The important bits of a wedding, the critical bits, the bits that matter are....
1) It is honoring to god, of god, in gods sight, and through god that you are to wed
2) It is a commitment to your partner for better, for worse, for life.
3) It is a public declaration of your mutual commitment and desire to wed.
Anything else is tradition. There is a place for traditions, but to my mind what is far more important is that the wedding represents you. If you don't want to have it in a church building, have it outside. God is everywhere, and all of the above criteria can be satisfied without being in a church. If you want to have a small wedding, do so. There's no requirement for you to invite the entire universe. Just dont try to keep it a secret.. it is a declairation after all.
To my mind (at this point, an aside. I'm not in a relationship. I've never been in a relationship that went anywhere near getting married, so I really have no idea what I'm talking about).. That all said.. To my mind, Any excuse for elopeing can be nullified by stripping away all the expectations people have of weddings, and getting back to the bare bones. Provided you complete the stuff above whatever other changes you need to make to the wedding ceremony, go for it. Its your ceremony. And when you make these changes hopefully you can be resolving whatever the issue was that was driving you towards elopement.
So yeah, that all reads like im dictating the truth to you, but its just intended to express my position.. tell me im wrong... and tell me why.
CDG
Note: Eddited to fix a dead link.
I'm sure if I tried I could think of some example, consisting of a bizarre sequence of events which would lead me to take eloping as a better option, but that's not the point here. The point is this generally (and by that I mean almost always to the extent that if your an exception I'd be shocked) I don't believe elopeing is ever right.
My reasoning works as follows. The important bits of a wedding, the critical bits, the bits that matter are....
1) It is honoring to god, of god, in gods sight, and through god that you are to wed
2) It is a commitment to your partner for better, for worse, for life.
3) It is a public declaration of your mutual commitment and desire to wed.
Anything else is tradition. There is a place for traditions, but to my mind what is far more important is that the wedding represents you. If you don't want to have it in a church building, have it outside. God is everywhere, and all of the above criteria can be satisfied without being in a church. If you want to have a small wedding, do so. There's no requirement for you to invite the entire universe. Just dont try to keep it a secret.. it is a declairation after all.
To my mind (at this point, an aside. I'm not in a relationship. I've never been in a relationship that went anywhere near getting married, so I really have no idea what I'm talking about).. That all said.. To my mind, Any excuse for elopeing can be nullified by stripping away all the expectations people have of weddings, and getting back to the bare bones. Provided you complete the stuff above whatever other changes you need to make to the wedding ceremony, go for it. Its your ceremony. And when you make these changes hopefully you can be resolving whatever the issue was that was driving you towards elopement.
So yeah, that all reads like im dictating the truth to you, but its just intended to express my position.. tell me im wrong... and tell me why.
CDG
Note: Eddited to fix a dead link.
# posted by ChinDoGu @ 18:59 
Comments:
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hi, i was surfing the web and hit upon the idea of starting a list of blogs of sydney evangelicals. found your blog and wondered if you would mind being on the list (it's at http://travellingtheshadowlands.blogspot.com/2005/04/sydney-blogs.html"). have listed you for now (cos don't get much web time and it'll be faster to remove than to add later) so please let me know? cheers and god bless!
Oh, because I'm sure lots of people are still interested in the Wedding/Elopement thing, I've thrown a link to your page. Expect lots of comments shortly, if my blog was anything to go by :)
# posted by 
: Monday, May 02, 2005 9:26:00 am
: Monday, May 02, 2005 9:26:00 am
I still recon there is a case for eloping in some circumstances.
I agree with your first 2 points about weddings, but not the third. The marriage itself, rather than the start of it needs to be public.
Case study time: Both families disaprove of the match, on superficial grounds, but are very, very stubborn. Eloping is a way of forcing the issue. The only other effective way i can think of is to get pregnant. Eloping would be better?
I agree with your first 2 points about weddings, but not the third. The marriage itself, rather than the start of it needs to be public.
Case study time: Both families disaprove of the match, on superficial grounds, but are very, very stubborn. Eloping is a way of forcing the issue. The only other effective way i can think of is to get pregnant. Eloping would be better?
# posted by : Wednesday, May 04, 2005 8:34:00 pm
: Wednesday, May 04, 2005 8:34:00 pm
Hmm. I still dont agree. But then Ive always been a bit stubbon. I would think in a case like that, I would just tell them, I was getting married anyway, hold a small ceremony which they were welocme to attend or not as they chose, and go ahead and get married anyway. It manages to force the issue, and could be dont no reasonably short notice, without requiring you to elope.
That said, Ive been blessed with a family that have been incredibly supportive of me, so ive never had to deal with telling them something like that...
CDG
That said, Ive been blessed with a family that have been incredibly supportive of me, so ive never had to deal with telling them something like that...
CDG
You do have to rememember, people, the Bible itself contains no official marriage ceremony for the Christian world. The vast majority of Christians in the fledgeling days of the church were slaves - did they get a ceremony or somesuch? Nope. They just pitched their tent with the person they were dedicated to - and stayed there.
Just off the top of my head, David and Solomon had multiple wives. However - barring for significant incidents, of which we're all well aware - they were good, godly men who were held up as examples.
Nowadays, a guy with two wives is breaking the law, and heaven help a woman with two husbands - that's an outright oddity.
Anyone fancy showing me how marriage is anything but a civil construction that the church has unintentionally smothered? I'm still struggling to remember any reference to marriage in the New Testament beyond what to do once you [i]are[/i] married - or that you should ideally, not marry, but practically, marry because you're a bunch of horndogs.
I'd be interested to dig up the Greek and see if the term 'marry' is even that appropriate, actually...
Just off the top of my head, David and Solomon had multiple wives. However - barring for significant incidents, of which we're all well aware - they were good, godly men who were held up as examples.
Nowadays, a guy with two wives is breaking the law, and heaven help a woman with two husbands - that's an outright oddity.
Anyone fancy showing me how marriage is anything but a civil construction that the church has unintentionally smothered? I'm still struggling to remember any reference to marriage in the New Testament beyond what to do once you [i]are[/i] married - or that you should ideally, not marry, but practically, marry because you're a bunch of horndogs.
I'd be interested to dig up the Greek and see if the term 'marry' is even that appropriate, actually...
# posted by : Thursday, May 05, 2005 12:11:00 pm
: Thursday, May 05, 2005 12:11:00 pm
I wont have time to respond to this fully at the moment (at work) but im pretty sure there are references to marriage and that fact that it is gods creation in the bible.. 1 tim 4 for startes.
I would postulate that its in fact the other way round. Marriage is a christian ideal that has been pick up, tweisted and corrupted by the world.. thats why ive been trying to get back down to the essance of marriage here.
Ill try to post a bit more tonight.
I would postulate that its in fact the other way round. Marriage is a christian ideal that has been pick up, tweisted and corrupted by the world.. thats why ive been trying to get back down to the essance of marriage here.
Ill try to post a bit more tonight.
I just skimmed it, so i wont vouch for its content completly, but this looks to provide a great deal of info on what the NT has to say on marriage if your interested.
Two points.
Firstly, if the family were of the nasty stubborn sort they would do something to interfere with the wedding day whether they were invited or not, but then if they were that type, eloping and returning probably wouldnt help. It would have to be a case of eloping and starting a completely new life.
Second point is a bit of a deviation from the topic. The pastor's wife at the Church i go to said sleeping (in the non-literal sense of the word) with someone was basically the same as being married to them. I disagree, but if true it would make the elopment question idea difficult to argue against. What do people think?
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Firstly, if the family were of the nasty stubborn sort they would do something to interfere with the wedding day whether they were invited or not, but then if they were that type, eloping and returning probably wouldnt help. It would have to be a case of eloping and starting a completely new life.
Second point is a bit of a deviation from the topic. The pastor's wife at the Church i go to said sleeping (in the non-literal sense of the word) with someone was basically the same as being married to them. I disagree, but if true it would make the elopment question idea difficult to argue against. What do people think?
# posted by : Monday, May 09, 2005 8:36:00 pm
: Monday, May 09, 2005 8:36:00 pm << Home
