Sunday, November 11, 2007
Company and Marriage
I have been thinking through a few things recently about marriage (no prizes for guessing why). One thing that has particularly struck me has been Company, a musical by Stephen Sondheim. (Some spoilers ahead).
Company tells the story of Robert, a 30-something single guy, and 5 married couples who are his close friends, while exploring the benefits and costs of marriage. I'm not going to expose the entire plot here, but just talk about a few of the songs that really struck me. During the musical, Bobby develops through stages from single and happy that way, to 'ready' for marriage (but only a little), to struggling with whether he wants the good with the bad. There is no explicit conclusion either way (well... perhaps there is... see later), but I did feel that the balance came out greatly in favour of marriage.
I wanted to touch briefly on 3 of the songs from Company, the ones that I found the most thought provoking.
The first is 'Marry me a Little.'
Marry me a little,
Love me just enough.
Cry, but not too often,
Play, but not too rough.
Keep a tender distance
so we'll both be free.
That's the way it ought to be.
I'm ready!
When I first heard this song, I found it incredibly poignant. Sarcastic. Witty. Clever.
It shows just how far from a healthy view of marriage Bobby is. Marriage to him is about getting the little benefits without any of the costs. It's a view that is probably shared by many people these days. Marriage won't be hard work; I can get the small things I want, as much as I want of them and no more. And it won't get hard. If it does I can always walk...
To me, marriage is exactly the opposite of this. Marriage is about a complete commitment: a commitment to marry not a little, not a lot, but completely!
I love the sarcastic irony of this song sung in such a triumphant manner - 'I'm ready!' Talking about the great revelation that he has had, that he now understands marriage, that he knows what he wants and how to get it. I love how this song is used to show with every line just how not ready Robert is.
The second song worth noting is 'Sorry-Grateful.'
Robert asks his friend, Larry, if he's sorry he got married. This is the response.
You're sorry-grateful,
Regretful-happy.
Why look for answers
When none occur?
You always are what you always were,
Which has nothing to do with, all to do with her.
It's quite an interesting song to me, as it basically presents a completely neutral view of marriage. It presents it as good and bad which balance out. It presents a bunch of contrasting ideas: good and bad, and no real indication which is better. Marriage and singleness: they are the same. Singleness is a neutral state, and marriage is an oscillation between greater happiness and greater sadness.
I like this song because it really challenges me to think about this concept. Marriage is more complex, with higher highs and lower lows. It's complicated. I dislike, however, the feeling I get from the song that these cancel out. The song doesn't explicitly say it, but it certainly feels that way. I do not think that a life full of highs and lows is equivalent to a live of neutrality. In fact, I think that the difference could be closer to that of experiencing life verses travelling through life as a spectator.
A short aside... that's not to say that I think all single people are not experiencing their lives to the fullest. I think marriage is just one thing that gives you the highs and lows talked about here. They are part of living life.
The third song I want to talk about is 'Being Alive.'
This song, more than any of the others, seems to capture my thoughts about marriage. The song is a progression and you really need the friends' comments to understand this. So many people seem to sing it out of context and miss the entire point. They cut out the friends lyrics, and some even skip the early verses which destroys the development and obscures the change in the singer.
I think the song really does speak for itself (so go read it!) Bobby makes the decision that the bad times ARE worth it, if he wants the good. He will put up with the struggles married life will bring, because the benefits DO outweigh the costs.
Addendum:
It's interesting how my impressions differ from those of the creator. Sondheim apparently said,
I find the notion that the same lyric can apply in the first act and the second act very suspect. Most of the time the character has moved beyond, particularly if you're telling a story of any weight or density. Company was a show where we could have used reprises, because it's about a fellow who stayed exactly the same, but I didn't want him to be the essential singing character, so I decided not to.
